There’s something I keep coming back to and it’s this:
Love is our superpower.
Not control. Not perfection. Not being the best, the funniest, the most successful, the most admired, or the most productive. Love. Kindness. Curiosity. Just a simple, quiet care for each other and ourselves.
When we try to force things—when we hold on too tightly to the way we think something should go—it almost always ends in stress, pain, or anxiety. We fear that if we don’t control everything, it’ll all fall apart. But the truth is... we never had control in the first place!!
We can do our very best at something, give it our all, and show up with the purest of intentions. But if the outcome doesn’t match what we pictured, or if the results fall short of what we wanted, the best—and most healing—thing we can do is let it go.
If you, like me, have ever thought, “If only I were _____________ [smarter, more organized, funnier, faster]...” Maybe you thought what you had to say didn’t matter quite as much. Maybe you thought you don’t matter. But that’s not you– you are you! And if you try to be someone you’re not, it never works. You are dimming your own light!! And that would be forcing something. And that never works. Holding onto those thoughts and those feelings leaves me feeling frustrated, isolated, crying in the car, and further away from me, who I am.
Confidence has been a longtime struggle for me. “Do I belong here?” “Do they like me?” “Can I do this?” “Why am I like this?,” “What is wrong with me?” “They don’t think I can do this.” Those have been persistent thoughts for me since I was a little girl. My bedside table is filled with books addressing confidence and self-doubt. The one currently is by a Stanford Psychologist named Gregory Walton called ‘Ordinary Magic.’
In the book, he discusses how small shifts in our perception of situations can lead to lasting change in our lives. For instance, reframing the name “test” as a “puzzle” helped the performance of a group of students. Big life transitions—like going to college, dealing with early relationship problems, or starting a new job or business—often produce enormous feelings of self-doubt. In the book, Walton explains that while many of us try to ignore these doubts, unaddressed, they can become self-fulfilling—undermining our confidence. Even minor things, like a bad grade, can cause us to withdraw. In the book Walton believes we can become “wise” (one of his theories) to these doubts, recognize them, and respond to them with reassurance and clarity, and know that you CAN do it.
And so to become an “Ordinary Magician,” we find the good things in those around us and in ourselves and believe in them– show kindness to them. Let them see that you see that person in them that you know they can become. That is what he calls “ordinary magic”-- doing the ordinary things that we should do in life to make someone have a better day and potentially change their lives!
So… be you! Let the other stuff go!
You don’t have to match anyone’s energy or pace. You don’t have to force your voice into a space that wasn’t meant for it.
Just be you. Let everything else go. We are all unique and we are all supposed to be right here. Right where we are.
Love yourself.
That means embracing your pace. Your way. Your voice.
Be kind to the older man who’s fumbling for his card at the checkout line.
Be present with the little one who wants to tell you a long story about an ant. Being kind and sincere and caring and curious—that is power and that is love in action.
My dad always said: You can learn something from every single person out there. If you truly listen, you’ll learn something.
And he was right.
Sometimes it only takes a small, quiet moment—a conversation, a new perspective, a random spark—and suddenly, you’re curious again. And you’re on the move!
One foot in front of the other… and suddenly, you’re running a race you never thought you could qualify for.
You’re starting something you never thought you’d be brave enough to begin.
So wherever you are right now, in whatever storm or stillness— remember:
Love is our superpower. And loving ourselves gives us all of the power!